Kenneth Ngai
Tab Hunter once said “I don't care whether people like me or dislike me. I'm not on earth to win a popularity contest. I'm here to be the best human being I possibly can be.” When I was younger I used to be deathly afraid of a lot of things. I would be afraid of the English essays, bullies, popular kids and the usual stuff middle school kids would be afraid of. However, the biggest fear I had was what people would think of me. I would be afraid of what If I was considers “popular” and “cool” or if I was “weird” or a “geek”. This was really important to me as I always wanted people to like me and think I was “cool”
When I was trying to impress the “popular” kids on a good day, I would be wearing a graphic t-shirt or a sports t-shirt. When I would be wearing a graphic t-shirt, it would have something from what is “popular” like Mario from Super Mario Brothers. The shirt would be complete black. Then on the front it would have some clever saying. Then it would have the image of Mario or a 1-Up mushroom that would appear in the game. However, only the “nerdy” kids would get the joke of the shirt and the cool kids would just say “nice shirt”. When it was from a sports team, the shirt would be a dark navy color. The color would be the color of the Hudson River. The shirt's front has the Yankee symbol on my left chest of the shirt. The symbol is a capital “n” with a “y” on top. On the back of the shirt it would usually be the number on the player that I was representing. Some days it would be number “2” for the captain Derek Jeter. On other days it would be number “42” for Marino Rivera. The number and the last name of the player would be in white. With a shirt, I would usually wear a dark blue jean and a pair of Nike shoes. I would walk down the locker filled hallway with some “swagger” in my step and just being really happy. I would be saying “hi” to girls and giving high fives to the guys. The hallway of my middle school would smell like a blend of cafeteria food and cleaning products. It wouldn’t be an intoxicated smell. However, it was actually an interesting smell that would make me glad the school was clean and we had “fresh” food to eat on a daily basis. A good day for me would when I feel like I can do anything. In middle school that would be having a good game in a game of basketball, having something good for lunch like pizza or it would be getting a good test score. I didn’t know why I need to impress these so called “popular kids”. I mean shouldn’t we all be accepted for who we are. I did not realize this at all when I was younger. As I look back and see where these people are at, they haven’t done anything great or special. They didn’t become actors or famous singers. They were just like me. This makes me regret about how I didn’t spend more time to the people who might actually be special and have some unique talent. But made me mad about how I thought had to change who I was; just to be consider “cool”. That’s something I wish I could have changed.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Homework Dued 9/27
Kenneth Ngai
Freewrite/Blog post- 9/22/10
It was senior year and I was ready to make this year mine. I planned to spread my wings like the social butterfly that I know I can be. I felt like everything was going to fall in place this year. I was going to get into the college I really wanted to go to, get on varsity basketball and maybe even make some new friends.
I got one of my wishes; I was chosen to be a part of the varsity basketball team. I was really proud of myself like how my mom was when I could finally walk on my own. I was ready to show that I can play this game and that I wasn’t a “loser” in my mind. The first time I stepped on the court it was so surreal as if I was a major league baseball player being called up from the minor leagues. I had so many emotions going through. I was anxious to start practice. I was worried about how hard practice would be. I also felt tired due to the fact that it was 6:30am.
We had practice from Monday to Friday for about 4 weeks before the season started and we played a lot of practice games against other teams. During this span, my playing has been like of William Hung thinking he was a good singer. I was pretty much horrible for almost all of practices and games. I didn’t understand how I couldn’t understand how to run the plays for our team. There were so many plays and different variations of it. I had a sense; coach was getting a little irritated at me and my lack of understanding the offense. I was definitely trying as hard as I could but I felt bad for letting him down.
As the preseason came to the end, I was finally picked up the offensive and I was contributing to the team with some points but with the ability to set up my teammates. I was really feeling good about myself; however, tragedy would strike me the day before the season. I was doing some extra practice with my teammates to understand the offensive better. After we finished covering the offense, we decided to play a quick game. In the game I went up to block to try to block him, I didn’t. When I was landing back down, I landed on my right knee hard with a lot force and all I heard when I got to the ground was a very loud crack. I was in pain like a child getting his first cut.
I knew it was over. I was angry like a girlfriend telling her boyfriend that she thinks about him like a brother. I was sad that my season was going to be over when it was my first time being on a varsity team and that I couldn’t help my team anymore. I felt like I was so close to reaching what I wanted to do for my senior year. I felt frustration like a superstar trying to make his or her big comeback but failing every time. It just made me very unhappy and unaccomplished.
At the end of the day, the doctor told me I had cracked my meniscus disc in my right knee, which supports the weight being placed on the knee. This meant there was a piece of my disc floating around in my knee. There was a big risk that it could damage other areas of my knee. There was also ligament damage in my knee that needed to be repaired. I had surgery the day before Christmas and that was the day for any hope coming back to play was gone. Gone the feeling of playing in an official game was gone. Gone was the hope of scoring the game winning shot and feeling like a hero.
Freewrite/Blog post- 9/22/10
It was senior year and I was ready to make this year mine. I planned to spread my wings like the social butterfly that I know I can be. I felt like everything was going to fall in place this year. I was going to get into the college I really wanted to go to, get on varsity basketball and maybe even make some new friends.
I got one of my wishes; I was chosen to be a part of the varsity basketball team. I was really proud of myself like how my mom was when I could finally walk on my own. I was ready to show that I can play this game and that I wasn’t a “loser” in my mind. The first time I stepped on the court it was so surreal as if I was a major league baseball player being called up from the minor leagues. I had so many emotions going through. I was anxious to start practice. I was worried about how hard practice would be. I also felt tired due to the fact that it was 6:30am.
We had practice from Monday to Friday for about 4 weeks before the season started and we played a lot of practice games against other teams. During this span, my playing has been like of William Hung thinking he was a good singer. I was pretty much horrible for almost all of practices and games. I didn’t understand how I couldn’t understand how to run the plays for our team. There were so many plays and different variations of it. I had a sense; coach was getting a little irritated at me and my lack of understanding the offense. I was definitely trying as hard as I could but I felt bad for letting him down.
As the preseason came to the end, I was finally picked up the offensive and I was contributing to the team with some points but with the ability to set up my teammates. I was really feeling good about myself; however, tragedy would strike me the day before the season. I was doing some extra practice with my teammates to understand the offensive better. After we finished covering the offense, we decided to play a quick game. In the game I went up to block to try to block him, I didn’t. When I was landing back down, I landed on my right knee hard with a lot force and all I heard when I got to the ground was a very loud crack. I was in pain like a child getting his first cut.
I knew it was over. I was angry like a girlfriend telling her boyfriend that she thinks about him like a brother. I was sad that my season was going to be over when it was my first time being on a varsity team and that I couldn’t help my team anymore. I felt like I was so close to reaching what I wanted to do for my senior year. I felt frustration like a superstar trying to make his or her big comeback but failing every time. It just made me very unhappy and unaccomplished.
At the end of the day, the doctor told me I had cracked my meniscus disc in my right knee, which supports the weight being placed on the knee. This meant there was a piece of my disc floating around in my knee. There was a big risk that it could damage other areas of my knee. There was also ligament damage in my knee that needed to be repaired. I had surgery the day before Christmas and that was the day for any hope coming back to play was gone. Gone the feeling of playing in an official game was gone. Gone was the hope of scoring the game winning shot and feeling like a hero.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Frida Kahlo
http://www.pics24h.com/img/artwork/tomek-setowski/tomek-setowski03.jpg
In this picture i feel like this is something out of Alice in Wonderland. In the center of the picture we see a bed with a 3 leaf clover incarved in the covers. Then right above it, there is an big ball, looks like the size of an dodgeball that has the number 21 on it. 21 seems so random. There on the left of the bed there is a clock that is small and doesn't have all the numbers on it. The minute hand is bigger than the clock itself. Then further to the left of it there is an apartment building that has sunglasses on it. The building looks like a very chill person. On the far right of the picture there is a some one's left hand like its read to shake hand. Then there is a women with spiral hair on a animal that looks like an horse.
In this picture i feel like this is something out of Alice in Wonderland. In the center of the picture we see a bed with a 3 leaf clover incarved in the covers. Then right above it, there is an big ball, looks like the size of an dodgeball that has the number 21 on it. 21 seems so random. There on the left of the bed there is a clock that is small and doesn't have all the numbers on it. The minute hand is bigger than the clock itself. Then further to the left of it there is an apartment building that has sunglasses on it. The building looks like a very chill person. On the far right of the picture there is a some one's left hand like its read to shake hand. Then there is a women with spiral hair on a animal that looks like an horse.
Freewrite 9-23-10
Write about anything:
OMG, I hated the trip we went on yesterday to Ellis Island. It was really pointless to bring us over there. It took literally an hour to board the bus before we can leave campus. We had to wait another hour to board the ferry. We got there at 7:30 and the speaker that was there, only talked for half-hour and she read off a POWERPOINT!!! Really a Powerpoint re-reading. Why couldnt you just get her to talk here on Campus, so i didnt have to waste the 8 hours that I could have done studying or doing homework. It was so stupid i wanted to just be like really! Couldnt have you not rent out the whole ellis island and used it on something useful.
I legitly did have homework to do, so i am not one of those people who wanted just time to mess around. I had to do english homework and finish copying lab procedures and data into my lab notebook. I stayed up till 5 in the am trying to finish but I crashed in the process. So during my break i have to finish it up, because I have a packed day today.
At least tommorrow is friday and I have one class which is a lecture so no real thinking involved.
OMG, I hated the trip we went on yesterday to Ellis Island. It was really pointless to bring us over there. It took literally an hour to board the bus before we can leave campus. We had to wait another hour to board the ferry. We got there at 7:30 and the speaker that was there, only talked for half-hour and she read off a POWERPOINT!!! Really a Powerpoint re-reading. Why couldnt you just get her to talk here on Campus, so i didnt have to waste the 8 hours that I could have done studying or doing homework. It was so stupid i wanted to just be like really! Couldnt have you not rent out the whole ellis island and used it on something useful.
I legitly did have homework to do, so i am not one of those people who wanted just time to mess around. I had to do english homework and finish copying lab procedures and data into my lab notebook. I stayed up till 5 in the am trying to finish but I crashed in the process. So during my break i have to finish it up, because I have a packed day today.
At least tommorrow is friday and I have one class which is a lecture so no real thinking involved.
Comment on New York Times Article 9-20-10
The author of in the New York Times article uses descriptive language to describe Daryl Holton and his feelings during the lead up to the execution. He also describes the vibe and how scary it to be put through a legal execution via an electric chair. He describes things clearly and very vividly to the reader like: “two corrections officers step forward to place a sponge soaked in salted water on Mr. Holton’s bald scalp to enhance conductivity. Next comes the headpiece, which the procedures describe as a “leather cranial cap lined with copper mesh inside.”
Homework Dued 9/23/10
Kenneth is 5’8. He weighs 190 pounds. He plays basketball, baseball and any other sports. He is a techie at heart. He grew up in the city and never been out of New York. He has one best friend and a lot of other close friends to help him get through the dark and hard days. Kenneth wanted to become a software engineer or do something in the computer field. However, he is a six year student at St.John’s University majoring in Pharmacy. Kenneth is a shy guy at first, but once you get to know him he can make you smile and laugh. He is always really caring and always is willing to listen to anything you have to say to him. Kenneth is defined by urban dictionary is “Kenneth is a chic magnet. He is the nicest straight guy you will ever meet. He is smart and sort of nerdy, but funny and cute at the same time. And of course, he has awesome hair. Although he can be a butt sometimes, he is still awesome.” However, this definition of my name is something I hope I can be and want to see myself as. I been satisfied with the things and people I had around me. It’s just that I haven’t been satisfied with myself.
Throughout my 18 years of life, I was struggling. I was struggling to find who I am and what I wanted from life. I was a very quiet person. I never really spoke my mind when hanging out with people. I would usually just agree to what the group I was with, and what they wanted to do. I would want to say I have broken out of that habit. Right now, I am not afraid to say, “Hey, I am going to go here actually, I will meet you later”. It makes me feel better about myself that I am doing that now. I feel like I get to what I need to do without having myself fear about what others would think. The most things I worry about are how I am viewed to people. I really care about what they think about me. The reason I do this is because I don’t want to have the feeling I had before where I felt like a complete loser like I did in middle school.
Most people would notice but never tell me that I have a speech problem. Whenever, I would talk and an “r”, “l” or an “s” would come up in a word, I have a hard time saying it or I would say it very with an odd accent. A lot of people would make fun of me for that and I feared talking because of that. I would hear students in the hallway trying to imitate me and it would hurt. I feel though, it has made me a better person and a stronger one in fact. It made me feel for people who are shy or has problems with themselves because like me, they might be actually really great people trying to be discovered by the people who actually care.
Currently my goal for this year is to do well in my studies, join a club that I have an interest in, not to lose myself and who I want to be. Also, I don’t want to gain the freshmen 15 and hopefully I can lose -15 pounds before the year ends. I also, I want to try to start a relationship with someone but that’s not too important now. Long-term wise, I want to get my degree as soon as I can and hopefully not want to kill myself during these 6 long years I have here at St.Johns. Hopefully, I am in the middle of a serious relationship with someone and I am still in touch with my friends from High school.
Kenneth Ngai
9:00am-10:30am
Throughout my 18 years of life, I was struggling. I was struggling to find who I am and what I wanted from life. I was a very quiet person. I never really spoke my mind when hanging out with people. I would usually just agree to what the group I was with, and what they wanted to do. I would want to say I have broken out of that habit. Right now, I am not afraid to say, “Hey, I am going to go here actually, I will meet you later”. It makes me feel better about myself that I am doing that now. I feel like I get to what I need to do without having myself fear about what others would think. The most things I worry about are how I am viewed to people. I really care about what they think about me. The reason I do this is because I don’t want to have the feeling I had before where I felt like a complete loser like I did in middle school.
Most people would notice but never tell me that I have a speech problem. Whenever, I would talk and an “r”, “l” or an “s” would come up in a word, I have a hard time saying it or I would say it very with an odd accent. A lot of people would make fun of me for that and I feared talking because of that. I would hear students in the hallway trying to imitate me and it would hurt. I feel though, it has made me a better person and a stronger one in fact. It made me feel for people who are shy or has problems with themselves because like me, they might be actually really great people trying to be discovered by the people who actually care.
Currently my goal for this year is to do well in my studies, join a club that I have an interest in, not to lose myself and who I want to be. Also, I don’t want to gain the freshmen 15 and hopefully I can lose -15 pounds before the year ends. I also, I want to try to start a relationship with someone but that’s not too important now. Long-term wise, I want to get my degree as soon as I can and hopefully not want to kill myself during these 6 long years I have here at St.Johns. Hopefully, I am in the middle of a serious relationship with someone and I am still in touch with my friends from High school.
Kenneth Ngai
9:00am-10:30am
Monday, September 20, 2010
Free Write 9-20-10
Strongest emotion I have ever experienced.
The strongest emotion i have ever experienced was probably heartbreak or the feeling of pain emotionally, Heartbreak because ever time I put my heart on the line or i "risk it all" for someone who i think shares the same feelings as me, it turns out to be not true and we just have an awkward situation. I feel that maybe i shouldn't keep doing this. I feel like i need to guard my heart before i give it to someone or feel like i go all out to get the person i want. However, I just keep falling into the same trap. I think its cause I feel that I am trying to find that right person that apprichates me and thinks i am just this amazing dude. I just sometimes don't believe in how great of a person i am, at least according to my friends. Maybe that can change this year.
The other emotion i have felt was that feeling where you feel like you trusted someone but it turned out they kept back stabbing in your back. I had people in my life some were people I used to trust so much. It just sucks A. being wrong in trusting that person and believing that they were there to help. B. that you trusted them with everything and it turned out they used that information to make your rep plummet. I feel that being backstabbed is the probably the second worst thing to feel in life. Usually I learned that I will only open up or trust people if they all try to make an effort to see whats going on in the little mind of mine.
The strongest emotion i have ever experienced was probably heartbreak or the feeling of pain emotionally, Heartbreak because ever time I put my heart on the line or i "risk it all" for someone who i think shares the same feelings as me, it turns out to be not true and we just have an awkward situation. I feel that maybe i shouldn't keep doing this. I feel like i need to guard my heart before i give it to someone or feel like i go all out to get the person i want. However, I just keep falling into the same trap. I think its cause I feel that I am trying to find that right person that apprichates me and thinks i am just this amazing dude. I just sometimes don't believe in how great of a person i am, at least according to my friends. Maybe that can change this year.
The other emotion i have felt was that feeling where you feel like you trusted someone but it turned out they kept back stabbing in your back. I had people in my life some were people I used to trust so much. It just sucks A. being wrong in trusting that person and believing that they were there to help. B. that you trusted them with everything and it turned out they used that information to make your rep plummet. I feel that being backstabbed is the probably the second worst thing to feel in life. Usually I learned that I will only open up or trust people if they all try to make an effort to see whats going on in the little mind of mine.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Homework due 9/20/10
This picture we have here. We see two people; one boy and one girl. They are holding hands and they are very close to one each other. They seem to be very fond of each other. They are looking at the viewer. The boy is wearing a white shirt as his first layer. For his second layer he is wearing a button up shirt. His shirt is dark blue and white and dark strips. He has a mo-hawk. He has a nice smile, but his eyes are barely visible. The girl is wearing a red shirt. A flower designed skirt. Her hair is along and colored black. The back ground is a river of water. Then in the distance there are skyscrapers. The sun is about to set down and the light reflects on the water. Clouds are around the sun and it seems like the light is shining on them.
I chose this picture because it reminds me how I want to find that girl that makes me feel as happy as them. I want someone who brings out the best in me and likes me for who I am. I think this is the thing that bothers me the most. I feel out of the group when most of my friends bring their girlfriend or boyfriend along. I guess I am jealous of them because they seem so happy with one of another. As I look at the seat next to me, it is empty. I wonder why haven’t found that special girl yet. Is it because I am not “good looking” enough? Is it because I am not funny enough? Or do I not have that “special” quality that would make me more attractive to women. I haven’t been kissed nor had anybody that wanted to go out with me yet. I don’t really know how to describe what I feel, I just feel kind of incomplete with my life now. It shouldn’t be a big thing to me since not all my friends are in a relationship. But it does feel like there is an empty hole or a missing piece of my life. It is weird cause I been fine without a girlfriend for 18 years, but why now? Why do I feel this way now? Can’t I go back to the days of elementary school where we considered girls as just as friends and nothing more?
Overall, this picture reminds me of what I am after right now besides my school work. I don’t really need any more girl-friends. I appreciate all the friends I can have but I am currently ready to mingle. But yet no one has found me special enough to taken to be interested in me. I just hope it is soon, I was ready in senior year of high school to start a relationship but it never happened. However, a quote I keep in mind is that: “Sometimes it is easy to feel like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you”. I hold my head up high and just hopes that one day, someone will say yes.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/victormui/4981404967/
I chose this picture because it reminds me how I want to find that girl that makes me feel as happy as them. I want someone who brings out the best in me and likes me for who I am. I think this is the thing that bothers me the most. I feel out of the group when most of my friends bring their girlfriend or boyfriend along. I guess I am jealous of them because they seem so happy with one of another. As I look at the seat next to me, it is empty. I wonder why haven’t found that special girl yet. Is it because I am not “good looking” enough? Is it because I am not funny enough? Or do I not have that “special” quality that would make me more attractive to women. I haven’t been kissed nor had anybody that wanted to go out with me yet. I don’t really know how to describe what I feel, I just feel kind of incomplete with my life now. It shouldn’t be a big thing to me since not all my friends are in a relationship. But it does feel like there is an empty hole or a missing piece of my life. It is weird cause I been fine without a girlfriend for 18 years, but why now? Why do I feel this way now? Can’t I go back to the days of elementary school where we considered girls as just as friends and nothing more?
Overall, this picture reminds me of what I am after right now besides my school work. I don’t really need any more girl-friends. I appreciate all the friends I can have but I am currently ready to mingle. But yet no one has found me special enough to taken to be interested in me. I just hope it is soon, I was ready in senior year of high school to start a relationship but it never happened. However, a quote I keep in mind is that: “Sometimes it is easy to feel like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you”. I hold my head up high and just hopes that one day, someone will say yes.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/victormui/4981404967/
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Freewrite 9-16-10
Mustard Tiger:
A mustard tiger would be a very brightly skinned creature who seems to have eaten or sprayed a lot of mustard on oneself. People laugh at the fact that he or she even tries to hide their appearance. Due to the mustardness of the person, they are too weak and to do anything about it. They lack the swagger and confidence to do anything about it. He or she lets someone just walks over them. The yellow tan makes him different and ostrihized by the other people because of the different color one has.
2. Cheeseburger locker, a cheeseburger locker is a good-looking person who his also tasty. He or she might have good quailites and looks. He or she hides the fact that she or he is very insecure about their feelings. They cannot realize in most obvious way, how people feeling about he or she. He or she keeps her feelings on lock down that its like one is living under a rock. People get very mad at that especially people who are interested in that person. Thatr person basically has the whole package and people should be jealous
A mustard tiger would be a very brightly skinned creature who seems to have eaten or sprayed a lot of mustard on oneself. People laugh at the fact that he or she even tries to hide their appearance. Due to the mustardness of the person, they are too weak and to do anything about it. They lack the swagger and confidence to do anything about it. He or she lets someone just walks over them. The yellow tan makes him different and ostrihized by the other people because of the different color one has.
2. Cheeseburger locker, a cheeseburger locker is a good-looking person who his also tasty. He or she might have good quailites and looks. He or she hides the fact that she or he is very insecure about their feelings. They cannot realize in most obvious way, how people feeling about he or she. He or she keeps her feelings on lock down that its like one is living under a rock. People get very mad at that especially people who are interested in that person. Thatr person basically has the whole package and people should be jealous
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Homework 09-15-2010
In the world right now, there are six trillion, eight hundred seventy-one billion, three hundred ninety six thousand, three hundred and ninety five people in the world right now. These people are either men or they are women. We have deal with the opposite sex pretty much the day we are born. When we get to kindergarten, we are taught by the “rules” of the playground that boys are nasty and girls have cooties. We would say whatever was on our mind. So if a boy thought a girl was “icky” because she was a girl, we said it and vice versa. However, as we grow older, women and men start hanging out together. We do this because one of us wants to start a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Sometimes we just want to gain a friend to be there for us when hardships come by.
When I was in 11th grade, I met this girl. Her name was Wendy. She was someone I wanted to be friends with and more. I met her in my Mandarin class and that was probably the first time where I didn’t think she was just another pretty girl. We got to be really close and somewhat I was a brother to her. She would tell me what would be going on in her life, I would do the same. We would go after school and just eat dumplings and beef pancakes sandwiches, just talking about whatever. We would talk about school, friends, family, society and our beliefs. However, I wanted more. I wanted to be more than a friend to her.
It was a spring day, when I asked her out. She said no. I was heartbroken; she said I was like a brother to her. The word no guy ever wants to hear from a girl he has feelings for. I learned a lot about that day about gender norms. One was that, guys and girls are not too different actually. We may have different physical features and our stereotypical norms but we act and behavior similarly. Women and men, they hide their feelings. We hide them deep inside where we cannot get burn. Those feelings might be towards the people we love, hate or people we don’t even know. We hide them so people do not end up like me after Wendy said no. We don’t say what we think anymore because we care too much about what people think and the fear of getting yourself embarrassed. We all tell our specific gender groups about our problems and the people we have “feelings”; but never the opposite sex.
That day I also learned something about men; we play an act. We believe that we can get any girl but we are just as emotional and vulnerable as women. When we find someone, who we think can make us fly and do the things we could never do on our own, we risk it all for them. We risk our dignity, confidence and spend our energy on that person. However, when we finally take the plunge and ask a girl to start a relationship, it can end up like basketball. We can hit a perfect shot in or the ball fall up short.
When I was in 11th grade, I met this girl. Her name was Wendy. She was someone I wanted to be friends with and more. I met her in my Mandarin class and that was probably the first time where I didn’t think she was just another pretty girl. We got to be really close and somewhat I was a brother to her. She would tell me what would be going on in her life, I would do the same. We would go after school and just eat dumplings and beef pancakes sandwiches, just talking about whatever. We would talk about school, friends, family, society and our beliefs. However, I wanted more. I wanted to be more than a friend to her.
It was a spring day, when I asked her out. She said no. I was heartbroken; she said I was like a brother to her. The word no guy ever wants to hear from a girl he has feelings for. I learned a lot about that day about gender norms. One was that, guys and girls are not too different actually. We may have different physical features and our stereotypical norms but we act and behavior similarly. Women and men, they hide their feelings. We hide them deep inside where we cannot get burn. Those feelings might be towards the people we love, hate or people we don’t even know. We hide them so people do not end up like me after Wendy said no. We don’t say what we think anymore because we care too much about what people think and the fear of getting yourself embarrassed. We all tell our specific gender groups about our problems and the people we have “feelings”; but never the opposite sex.
That day I also learned something about men; we play an act. We believe that we can get any girl but we are just as emotional and vulnerable as women. When we find someone, who we think can make us fly and do the things we could never do on our own, we risk it all for them. We risk our dignity, confidence and spend our energy on that person. However, when we finally take the plunge and ask a girl to start a relationship, it can end up like basketball. We can hit a perfect shot in or the ball fall up short.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Freewrite 9-13-10
I feel like soceity has pegged men to be very muscluar, handsome, can party with the guys and still get the girls. However, there are also other sterotypes that men are that are both negative and positive. Sometimes men can be pegged as sexist, who only see women as objects instead of people. Men sometimes are pegged as the guy that is suppose to know everything and be able to be strong enough through any hardships.
However, that's a lie. We all have our flaws and our weaknesses. Today's society, men try to out do each other and the women want their man to be just almost perfect in every way. We see all the male celebrity and see what they do, so all us regular guys has a chance at impressing or flattering that special someone we have. Men are just like women. At times we fear what the future holds, we are afraid to be ourselves even if the person we truely are. We are insecure with how we look and what we say infront of the opposite sex. I try to be myself and it hasn't gotten me any where relationship wise. I still haven't been on my first date or had my first kiss yet. Who's to blame society or just ourselves.
However, that's a lie. We all have our flaws and our weaknesses. Today's society, men try to out do each other and the women want their man to be just almost perfect in every way. We see all the male celebrity and see what they do, so all us regular guys has a chance at impressing or flattering that special someone we have. Men are just like women. At times we fear what the future holds, we are afraid to be ourselves even if the person we truely are. We are insecure with how we look and what we say infront of the opposite sex. I try to be myself and it hasn't gotten me any where relationship wise. I still haven't been on my first date or had my first kiss yet. Who's to blame society or just ourselves.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Response to Times Maazine Article
It has been said that, "losing your way on a journey is unfortunate, but losing your purpose along the journey is a fate far more cruel". In response to New York Times article titled, "What is it about 20-Somethings?” I have to disagree with the concept of "emerging adulthood". The more reasonable theory why “20-something” year olds “lose” their way is due to all of the cultural and economic changes that affect our society. Therefore, the young adults or the so called “20-somethings” are just trying to deal with the new challenges in front of them.
Our last model of the "traditional cycle" for adults was to get out of college, so he or she will be able to find a well paying and a stable job. Then it was to start a relationship, get married and have kids. After that the cycle was to repeat itself over and over. However, psychologist and everyone should have known that our society would advance and change over time. With change brings a cycle in which people reach “adulthood”. Not anymore, we have college graduates finding stable jobs; most of them are trying to just make enough money to survive. Which is why, most of these graduates or “20-something” year olds seem lost and not on the “right” path to adulthood.
In today's society there are fewer jobs due to our economic status of our country. The unemployment rate is down, so more “20-somethings” are struggling to find a job right after they finish college. With the job market the way it is, this provides “20-somethings” a better purpose to go back to school for a higher degree or to take time off to find oneself. This is only possible due to the job market the way it is in the United States. However, the bad economy shouldn't be connected to an unknown stage in human development; it is just a factor in how people are growing up this in this day and age. I am certain when the economy is back to a stable state; there will be many jobs available for kids that come out of college that who want one. No one could have seen the dramatic effect(s) that a poor economy would do to our society. Therefore, any sudden changes that affect our society in a big way cannot be predicted or take accounted for by psychologist(s). Significant change(s) that happen all of a sudden; people cannot try to work against the problem but they have to work with it, till there is a solution. This is what the “20-Somethings” year olds are doing; trying to live their lives as best as they can.
There are many other known and other unknown factors that affect what choices “20-something” year old decide to do. This is even the same for people past that age point. Psychologists and the people in this article have to understand that everyone has their own unique background. Everyone has a unique story and like a snowflake no two people’s stories are the same. Therefore, psychologist can say the “20-somethings” are experiencing “emerging adulthood”. However, it is truly people trying to live with the problems society has given them and trying to make the most of it. They are not lost or have no direction, but they are just undiscovered.
Our last model of the "traditional cycle" for adults was to get out of college, so he or she will be able to find a well paying and a stable job. Then it was to start a relationship, get married and have kids. After that the cycle was to repeat itself over and over. However, psychologist and everyone should have known that our society would advance and change over time. With change brings a cycle in which people reach “adulthood”. Not anymore, we have college graduates finding stable jobs; most of them are trying to just make enough money to survive. Which is why, most of these graduates or “20-something” year olds seem lost and not on the “right” path to adulthood.
In today's society there are fewer jobs due to our economic status of our country. The unemployment rate is down, so more “20-somethings” are struggling to find a job right after they finish college. With the job market the way it is, this provides “20-somethings” a better purpose to go back to school for a higher degree or to take time off to find oneself. This is only possible due to the job market the way it is in the United States. However, the bad economy shouldn't be connected to an unknown stage in human development; it is just a factor in how people are growing up this in this day and age. I am certain when the economy is back to a stable state; there will be many jobs available for kids that come out of college that who want one. No one could have seen the dramatic effect(s) that a poor economy would do to our society. Therefore, any sudden changes that affect our society in a big way cannot be predicted or take accounted for by psychologist(s). Significant change(s) that happen all of a sudden; people cannot try to work against the problem but they have to work with it, till there is a solution. This is what the “20-Somethings” year olds are doing; trying to live their lives as best as they can.
There are many other known and other unknown factors that affect what choices “20-something” year old decide to do. This is even the same for people past that age point. Psychologists and the people in this article have to understand that everyone has their own unique background. Everyone has a unique story and like a snowflake no two people’s stories are the same. Therefore, psychologist can say the “20-somethings” are experiencing “emerging adulthood”. However, it is truly people trying to live with the problems society has given them and trying to make the most of it. They are not lost or have no direction, but they are just undiscovered.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
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